He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
