If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
