Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
