meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize