Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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