She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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