i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
