At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
