my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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