sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
