Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
