All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
