I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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