I skipped work to stalk him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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