As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize