I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize