We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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