I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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