I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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