Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Someone signed my nipple.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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