nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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