Plan B is the new Plan A
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
