I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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