His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
