I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
are you so shy because you have an std?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
