So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
