I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
