So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
