Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
