dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
