the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize