honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
