Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
