Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
