I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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