Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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