I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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