just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think i have two assholes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
