My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
