If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
