Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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