I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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