He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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