yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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