Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
