we have pet lesbian snakes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
