Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
