I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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