im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
