I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
