Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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