what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
