allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
