I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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