yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
