I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
