i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Help. Why am I so naked?
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