I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
