well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
