So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
