he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
