You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
