I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
