don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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