you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
