So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
