Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
