Girls should come with a carfax report
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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