Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
