it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
