I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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