I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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