glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
